23. Submission in the Fear of God
Paul’s Epistle to the Ephesians
Knowing Your Privilege in Christ
“Submission in the Fear of God”
Ephesians 5:21-24 (KJV)
21Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God. 22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. 23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so letthe wives beto their own husbands in every thing.
OUTLINE
- Submission in the Fear of God (v21)
- Submission in the Marriage Relationship (v22-24)
(1) Submission in the Fear if God (v21)
21 Submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God.
The word “submit” is a compound word in the Greek. It means to submit to one’s control, to obey, to be subject.
It means to place yourself under, to rank yourself under. It is a Greek military term meaning “to arrange troop divisions in a military fashion under the command of a leader”. In non-military use, it was “voluntary attitude of giving in, cooperating, assuming responsibility, and carrying a burden.” If we are to be Christians, we are to be in submission as it applies to us in whatever relationship we find ourselves.[1]
Likewise, in the church, Hebrews 13:7, 17 applies, Hebrews 13:7 “Remember (pres. act. Imper.) them which have the rule over you, who have spoken unto you the word of God: whose faith follow, considering the end of theirconversation.”Also, in Hebrews 13:17 “Obey (pres. mid. Imper.) them that have the rule over you, and submit (pres. act. Imper. Yield, give way) yourselves: for they watch for your souls, as they that must give account, that they may do it with joy, and not with grief: for that isunprofitable for you.” These verses tells the church to obey its leaders and submit to them. [Cole]
Numbers 11:17 And I will come down and talk with thee there: and I will take of the spirit which isupon thee, and will put itupon them; and they shall bear the burden of the people with thee, that thou bear itnot thyself alone.
The pastor’s heartbeat needs to be the other leader’s heartbeat. There is no room in a church for competing visions if it is to function biblically. What happens if the rest of the team doesn’t want to execute the pastor’s call? Then conflict is inevitable. That’s way it is so important for the pastor, elders and the deacons to be of the same spirit. God told Moses to choose seventy elders, concerning whom God said “I will take of the spirit which is upon thee, and will put it upon them” (Numbers 11:17). [Evans]
While not doing away with proper spheres of authority “submitting yourselves one to another in the fear of God” means that we all must set aside our rights and serve one another in love. Christ had a right to remain in glory in heaven, but He willingly laid aside that right, took on the form of a servant, and was obedient even to death on the cross (Phil. 2:5-8). Even so, out of reverence for Him, we should have that same attitude, submitting ourselves to one another as we outdo one another in love. [Cole]
This word “submit” is a command. It is in the present tense meaning we are to do so continuously making it a habit in our lives. And it is in the middle voice being that the subject has to do the action herself.
There are a series of submission in this context. We are going to see submission in the home, the wife’s submission to their husbands and the children’s submission to their parents, then the servant’s submission to their masters, describing various areas of human relationships. [Waite]
Waite observed well, “There ae some who teach “mutual submission of husbands and wives in the home. They say so because verse twenty-one precedes verse twenty-two. They say that’s why we have mutual submission in the home. In effect, they are saying that nobody is “in charge”. Nobody is the “head” of the home. This is not Scriptural. But that is being taught in may fundamental churches all over the country.”
Submission is done in the fear of God. When we fear God, we are willing to submit to God’s order for order in His created world. Then, it genders peace and unity and harmony.
Job 28:28 And unto man he said, Behold, the fear of the Lord, that iswisdom; and to depart from evil isunderstanding.
Psalm 14:5 There were they in great fear: for God isin the generation of the righteous.
Psalm 36:1 To the chief Musician, A Psalmof David the servant of the LORD. The transgression of the wicked saith within my heart, that there isno fear of God before his eyes.
Psalm 55:19 God shall hear, and afflict them, even he that abideth of old. Selah. Because they have no changes, therefore they fear not God.
Proverbs 2:1-5 My son, if thou wilt receive my words, and hide my commandments with thee; So that thou incline thine ear unto wisdom, andapply thine heart to understanding; Yea, if thou criest after knowledge, andliftest up thy voice for understanding; If thou seekest her as silver, and searchest for her as forhid treasures; Then shalt thou understand the fear of the LORD, and find the knowledge of God.
Ecclesiastes 12:13 Let us hear the conclusion of the whole matter: Fear God, and keep his commandments: for this isthe whole dutyof man.
(2) Wives Submit (v22-24)
Ephesians 5:22 Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.
The meaning of the word “submit” is “obey”. That word, “obey” is often left out of the marriage ceremony today. All the old-times marriage vows had the word “obey”, in the vows. The three words for the bride to assent to in the marriage is to “love, honour and obey”. But in many ceremonies today, the word “obey” has disappeared from the wedding vows. We have a real problem on our hands when obedience is not in the vows. For our young women, these are biblical words I am speaking, if you are unmarried and are unwilling to submit to the man whom you are to marry, do not marry him. Just stop right now. Do not even bother marrying him until and unless you are obedient to this command. It must be properly understood and practiced. It is a vital part of a Christian marriage.
Notice it says, “submit yourselves unto your own husbands.” No wife has to submit to other men. It says, “your own husbands”. There is to be a submissive attitude. Surely, in marriage you talk things over. What do you do if there is a decision that has to be made. It has to be made by someone. God has put the husband in charge of making the final decision in order, if necessary, to break a tie between wife and husband. The husband breaks the tie if there is a tie.
To give another illustration from a nautical term, in every submarine, there is what is called a “conning tower”. It has been defined as “a low observation tower on a submarine, serving also as an entrance to the interior.” The officer in charge of the vessel stays in the conning tower where he directs the movements of that sub. He is in control of that ship. He has the “conn” or command of that ship.
The marriage needs someone in the conning tower too. To have a marriage without anyone in charge is to have confusion. In marriage, if both think they are in charge, then no one is in charge. A marriage has to have a leader. The Bible has given that leadership to the husband. God holds him responsible for the things that go on in that marriage. He is the head of that home.
“as unto the Lord” – it means that Christian wives are to have the same attitude of submission as they should “unto the Lord”. This is another problem in the church. We have Christian women who are unwilling to submit to their Saviour. They want to do their own will and go their own way. That is God’s Word, “wives submit yourselves unto your own husbands as unto the Lord.” This is God’s plan.
The wife is to submit to the husband in the Lord. The wife is to obey her husband as she obeys the Lord. Submission is not merely an outward formality but inwardly with a wholehearted devotion, though it is manifested in outward obedience. It is in the fear of God. It is submission to the Lord when submitting to our husbands. It removes the notion of self-will. Paul is saying that submission to your husband is part of obedience to the Lord. If you are fighting against the idea of being subject to your husband, your attitude reflects that you are really fighting against the Lord, who ordained this order in marriage. So, wives, you must begin by yielding to the Lord and His infallible and inerrant Word.
Does it mean that the wife gives up all initiative or creativity? Asked Walter and Trudy Fremont in the book “Formula for Family Unity”, the answer they conceded rightly is “no”, citing Proverbs 31 that describes the wife “as creative and have initiative even within the framework of her submissive role.” There is a framework for her blessing that God has ordained that she is asked to see. It begs the question “how”. It is exemplified as the Christian’s submission to the Lord. This is God’s formula for unity and success in family life.
To be submissive means “to be humble”, to look not on your own things but the things of others, that is spiritual grace produced by the Holy Spirit.
It is this submissive attitude that makes a marriage work. You may ask, “What is the key to a good marriage?” “What is the key to a marriage full of joy and blessing?”
If you rear your children in a home where a wife does not submit to her husband, then your daughters will become wives who will not submit to their husbands. A wife who is not submissive teaches rebellion to her children by her behaviour. This is not only a sin against your husband and the Lord. It is a sin against your children.
There are many women who should say, “God allowed me to be born a woman. God gave me a husband. Because God commands me to submit, I am going to submit.” Your husband may not be all that he should be, but God’s word for a woman in a Christian home is “submit”. If you have a wife who is a Christian but does not submit, you do not have a Christian home.
So how can the wife submit biblically to your husband? To submit biblically to your husband, you must be in submission to the Lord.
What if wives to not submit? And vice versa, Husbands do not love?
But why is it that we are seeing the breakdown of marriages today?
The Rev David Engelsma of the First Protestant Reformed Church in America wrote this concerning the decay of the marriage institution in the church 40 years ago, quote “Every pastor knows how serious is the threat to marriage in the Church today. That marriage is in trouble in the world hardly needs to be pointed out: many live together without marrying, or fornicate promiscuously like beasts – holding marriage in contempt; many others divorce and remarry – there were almost one million divorces in the United States in 1974. But marriage is under attack also in the Church. No denomination or congregation is exempt. The attack on marriage in the Church is made through divorce: two who have become one in marriage split up again into two. Either the wife leaves the husband, or the husband puts away his wife, or they file for a full, legal divorce. More and more, all the members of the congregation notice the threat in the Church, because a thing was unheard of, even unthinkable, before. The pastor knows how much more danger there is behind the scenes, where trouble in the marriage is not suspected by the membership of the Church.” He made this statement 40 years ago. Has the marriage situation become better in the decades following? Not so. The human heart is depraved, deceitful above measure. With the diluting of Christianity, through the infiltration of modern versions of the Bible, the falling away of the churches to ecumenism and charmaticism, families, family life is not helped. Sin abounds, when God’s Word is put aside, even in Christian homes.
He further observed the causes for marriage breaking down, “Every pastor also knows how snarked and horrible some marriages become, through the sins of the husband and the wife – marriages in the Church. Although they live together under one roof at least, at least, some husbands and wives so sin against each other, over a long period of time, that their marriage is a mockery of the close, delightful bond, described in Scripture. Either the husband is a cold, unfeeling brute who rules tyrannically, or the wife is a contentious shrew, always contradicting her husband. Or the marriage is constant criticising and bickering. Or they pretty much go their own ways.”
He also shared his counselling challenges, “Every pastor has had the feeling in his difficult labour with the marriage that the only way out is divorce, that it would, in fact, be an act of mercy to counsel them to divorce. Woe to him if he follows his feeling instead of the Word of God, but this is his feeling. What is said…about divorce cannot be ascribed to the writer’s ignorance of how complicated marriage situation can become in the Church or of how fearfully sin can strain and tear the marriage bond. Although sin complicate matters, the Word of God give clear instruction concerning marriage and divorce.”
James Dobson observes, “We all know that divorce has become a fashionable way to deal with marital conflict in the past three decades. Books such as Creative Divorce have described it as the start of a brand new life that was in the “best interest” of the entire family. But that is patently untrue. Divorce is devastating, not just for the children but for their hurt and angry parents, too. Women pay a particularly high price, even when they are the ones who opted out of the relationship. Let me explain. There have always been irresponsible men who were unfaithful to their wives or abandoned their families. That is still going on and accounts for millions of broken homes today. But in my lifetime, marriages have begun to disintegrate for another reason. Women, encouraged by new freedoms and financial security have shown greater willingness to pull the plug. I have worked with many frustrated wives who seemed determined to obtain a divorce, not because their husbands were unfaithful or irresponsible, but because romantic love was missing from the relationship. These women expressed great anger and deep resentment toward husbands who were either unwilling or unable to meet their wives’ basic emotional needs.”[2]
He also highlighted a research that gives the consequences of divorce and family disintegration. Emotional development in children is directly related to the presence of a warm, nurturing, sustained and continuous interaction with both parents. Anything that interferes with the vital relationship with either parent can have lasting consequences for the child. One landmark study revealed that 90 percent of the children from divorced homes suffered from an acute sense of shock when the separation occurred, including profound grieving and irrational fears. Fifty percent reported feeling rejected and abandoned, and indeed, half the fathers never came to see their children three years after the divorce. One-third of the boys and girls feared abandonment by the remaining parent with an intensity that researchers described as “overwhelming”. Most significantly, 37 percent of the children were even more unhappy and dissatisfied five years after the divorce than they had been at 18 months. In other words, time did not heal their wounds. In summary, divorce brings such intense loneliness to children that its pain is difficult to describe or even contemplate.[3]
The Christian marriage is an earthly picture of the relationship between Christ and His bride, the church. The world should be able to look at a Christian marriage and see a distinctive difference in the way that husbands and wives relate to one another. Satan focuses his attacks on Christian marriages, in that the testimony of Christ and His sacrificial death on the cross is at stake. When Christian marriages break up, it sends a false message to the world, that Christ does not love His bride with an enduring love. So this text is not here just so that you can have a happy marriage, although it will help you do that. It’s here for a much greater purpose to help us all glorify our Savior through marriages that reflect the relationship between Christ and His church.
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. 24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so letthe wives beto their own husbands in every thing.
And to submit biblically to your husband, the wife must recognize that he is in fact your head. God calls the husband “the head of the wife”. This is God’s plan and His order.
So, the husband finds himself in a position of inescapable leadership. He cannot successfully refuse to lead. If he attempts to abdicate in some way, he may, through his rebellion, lead poorly. Some husbands are weak, ineffective and just plain lousy heads of their wives, but they are still in that position of authority. But no matter what he does, or where he goes, he does so as the head of his wife. This is how God designed marriage.
This is not my plan, my order, or the order of any human being. Look back to the Garden of Eden. Look back to the days when God made man. He made Adam from the dust of the ground.
Genesis 2:7 And the LORD God formed man ofthe dust of the ground, and breathed into his nostrils the breath of life; and man became a living soul.
In the first 6 days of creation, that was one thing that was not good.
Genesis 2:18 And the LORD God said, It isnot good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.
After Adam looked over all the beasts created by God and named them, he noticed that there was not a “help” that was “meet” or suitable for him (Gen. 2:20).
Genesis 2:20 And Adam gave names to all cattle, and to the fowl of the air, and to every beast of the field; but for Adam there was not found an help meet for him.
Therefore, God caused Adam to go into a deep sleep and from his rib God made Eve.
Genesis 2:21 And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam, and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; 22 And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man. 23 And Adam said, This isnow bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.
God Himself did the first marriage solemnization. God performed the first marriage there in the Garden of Eden. That woman was taken from Adam’s rib.
It is observed that woman was not taken from the foot of man to rule over her but was taken from his side that so he could love, hold and cherish her by his side.
The husband is “the head of the wife” as God had said. It was not an easy responsibility being the head a race. It was Eve who got the whole race into trouble, but it was Adam that followed her foolish lead. Adam got the whole race into trouble. Even though Eve was the leader in the fall, God blamed Adam because Adam was the “head” of Eve. Adam should never have followed, but should have instructed his wife.
Romans 5:12 Wherefore, as by one man sin entered into the world, and death by sin; and so death passed upon all men, for that all have sinned.
It is not always a life of happiness and joy being the head of a home. Adam found that out. God holds the husband, or the man in charge, responsible for that home. It is very serious indeed!
23 For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.
The “saviour” of the body speaks of man’s role as protector. He is also the bread-winner. He is the one who takes care of the affairs of the home. He is to be the deliverer of that family. If the family broke, many times it is the husband’s responsibility.[4]
The thought here is that to submit biblically to your husband, you must recognize that he is in fact your head.
Just as Christ’s headship over the church means that He is in authority over the church for her good, so the husband has authority over his wife for her good. Headship here means authority. And biblical authority is never given for the advantage of the one in authority or so that he can suppress those under authority. Rather, God delegates authority for the blessing and protection of those under authority, so that they will become all that God wants them to be. And the one in authority is accountable to God for those under his authority. This does not mean that a husband must make every decision, but is responsible for every decision made. If he is negligent with that responsibility or he abuses it for his own advantages, he will answer to God.
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so letthe wives beto their own husbands in every thing.
Biblical submission is the attitude and action of willingly and wholeheartedly respecting, yielding to, and obeying the authority of another. That definition applies to all of the spheres of authority: to God Himself; human government; church government; wives to husbands; children to parents; and workers to employers. It includes our attitude, because it is not to be forced, but willing and wholehearted.
Applied to wives, it includes the following:
(1) Submission involves respecting your husband.
When Paul sums up his counsel (5:33), he repeats that the husband is to love his wife (from verse 25). But rather than saying that the wife must submit to her husband, he says that she must respect him. I conclude that a large part of submission involves reverence or respect.
Practically speaking, at the very least it means that a wife not attack her husband or put him down. Rather, she should get on her husband’s team and cheer him on. If he makes a mistake, she should assure him of her loyalty and love.
Submission includes the desire to please the one over you.
In marriages that are in trouble, invariably husbands and wives are competing with one another. Rather than seeking to please her husband, the wife is trying to get him, to make him pay for what he has done to hurt her. But submission means that you want him to be happy. You want to please him. If he likes a particular meal, you fix it often. If he likes the house to be neat, you try to keep it that way. You don’t punish him by making him unhappy. You please him in every way possible.
Submission means not subverting your husband’s will and desires through deception, manipulation, or whining.
There are wives who put on a front of submission to their husband’s face, but then they go behind his back and use subversive tactics to get what they wanted. Or, they whine or nag him until to get some peace he capitulates. That is not submission!
Since genuine submission to Christ must be total, genuine submission to your husband must be total.
Paul adds two little words at the end of verse 24, in everything. Why did he add those words? What does he mean?
24 Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so letthe wives beto their own husbands in every thing.
Paul knew that we’re all prone to try to dodge the difficult commands of the Bible. Many wives will say, “I would submit to my husband if he would just love me as you’ve described. But how can I submit when he is so selfish and insensitive?”
It’s true! “In everything” does not include commandments to sin. If the husband asks you to do something that Scripture forbids, you must respectfully decline. If he asked you to lie for him or cheat on your taxes or stop going to church, you would sin against God to go along with your husband’s request. There is a respectful way to resist such ungodly demands, but you must resist. “In everything” does not mean you say yes to every demand if in so doing you are fostering your husband’s laziness and irresponsibility. “In everything” does not mean yielding to criminal behavior including physical abuse.[5]
The first thought, wives submit (v22-24) and secondly, husbands love (v25-33). We shall consider this next week.
[1] D.A. Waite, Ephesians – Preaching Verse by Verse, The Bible for Today Press, 2002, 156.
[2] James Dobson, Building a Marriage that Lasts, Multnomah Press, 1993, 4.
[3] Ibid., 4-5.
[4] D.A. Waite, Ephesians – Preaching Verse by Verse, The Bible for Today Press, 2002, 158.
[5] Steve Cole, What! me, Submit to him?, 2008, 9.